I Can't Love You Back
by BB-Hodgela-slaudia-forever
Summary: "It's always the worst case scenario with them. She swears that they'll never be able to win" Sonny/Brenda. Claudia/Sonny kind of. A terrible accident makes them re-think everything
1. Chapter 1

**I'm back! Well kind of. If you cant tell I've lost my muse but not my love of this couple. So I need reviews people! Oh please dont make me beg!**

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><p>"Sonny Corinthos. What's wrong, Claudia? Brenda and I are kind of in the middle of something."<p>

It was true they really were in the middle of something, considering how big going on their honeymoon was. But Claudia and Sonny shared two sons: Brayden and Aaron. And because of that he would always have to answer her calls.

"_Brayden was hit by a car."_

Her sobs are broken up and he can barely understand her, but he heard the name of his son and the word 'hit'. He shifts comfortably in his seat and pulls over on the side of the road.

"What do you mean hit? What happened to Brayden?"

"_He was hit by a car, Sonny."_

"Where are you?"

"_In the ER."_

"We're coming."

He immediately turns the car around, not caring what police officer sees him. He ignores Brenda's questions about what was wrong and just drove. His new wife didn't matter at that point in time.

**Clauson-Clauson**

The elevator doors open and he runs out, leaving Brenda standing there. He sees his ex-wife standing there, crying into one of Brayden's blankets. Johnny's there but he's not saying anything, he's not helping his sister.

"Claudia."

She turns around to him. He sees all the things that are hidden away in her eyes, things that no one else sees. He can see the fear and apologies. He walks up to her and holds her in his arms.

No one expected that, Sonny always gave the feeling that he could not stand his ex wife. They stand like this for a long time, her sobbing into his shirt. He rubs her back, hoping to calm her. Brenda says hello to Johnny and no matter how hard she tries, she can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy because Sonny's never held her that close or that tight.

Sonny had never regretted having his two sons with Claudia, those little boys were his life and he loved them like he loved the air he breathed. He slowly lets go of her, even though she's continued to sob and leads her to the couches.

"No, Sonny we have to be in there. Make them let me in there, please. I promised him I wouldn't leave."

She says pulling away from him.

"We can't go in right now, it's okay. Claudia look at me."

Her eyes finally met his. She watched as he went to grab his phone.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Calling Jason."

"Sonny, he's here already. He's the one who hit my baby."

She buries her face back into the blanket and even though he is shocked beyond belief, he still throws his arm over her shoulders and holds her.

"How did this happen?"

The two sense Johnny and Brenda moving closer to them to hear her give an explanation.

"I don't even know. I came in from getting the mail and he was just playing with his toys. Then Aaron started walking around and he fell, of course he started crying so I went to get him. When I turned around Brayden was gone and the door was open. I heard the screeching tires and he was just laying there. Jason was kneeling beside him and he wasn't moving. I called his name and he wouldn't move."

"Shh, it's okay. Brayden is strong, he's our son, right? We'll get him through this. Okay Claudia? You and me."

He takes her hand in his and she somehow knows she can do this. But no one else thinks she can. Once upon a time Claudia was strong, but not anymore.

"Now where is Aaron?"

"He's in the daycare, I didn't want him to see me so upset."

He wipes a piece of matted hair from her eyes. He's never seen her like this, so fearful and so lost. Their sons were everything to her and losing Brayden or Aaron would ultimately be the death of her.

"I'm so sorry."

He holds her close and gently rubs her back, he has to stay strong even though he felt like crying. He couldn't do it in front of her. She was already to upset and seeing him cry would make it worse. He didn't want to be weak in front of her.

"It's not your fault, he was learning to open doors, he didn't know. And he's such a little boy, Jason couldn't have possibly seen him."

"But he still ran over him! He was speeding fast enough to hit our son! You didn't have to see our child lying on the ground practically drowning in his own blood. You didn't have to see him."

He's never seen her like this, so inconsolable. Then he looks to the hallway and he sees his best friend standing there with tears lining his eyes. Johnny and Brenda look over too and Brenda leaves her spot to hug Jason.

Claudia and Sonny watch as Dr. Webber walks slowly towards them. She sees the look on his face and fears the worst. It's always the worst case scenario with them. She swears that they'll never be able to win. Sonny stands next to her, grabbing hold of her hand.

"Mr. Corinthos, Ms. Zacchara, your son is in critical condition. He is being prepped for surgery as we speak. I know this is pretty sudden and as much as I would love to let you see him time is of the essence. So we'll let you know when we're done. One of our nurses will take you to a family room. You can even get your other son if you want."

Jason listens in, Brayden was his god-son. Hell he loved that boy as his own and now they didn't know if he was going to make it. He's only three years old and he could die. He watches as Steve walks away, he's assisting in the surgery and a nurses leads Claudia and Sonny to a family room. He realizes Brenda is standing next to him and she's going to walk with Sonny. He grabs her arm and shakes his head.

"News flash, Jason, Sonny is my husband not hers. He needs me not her."

"This one thing isn't actually about you, Brenda, okay? Brayden is three years old and the people who love him most are fearing for his life so it's about them and Brayden. So for once get over yourself, be dignified and sit with me and Johnny. Leave them the hell alone."

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><p><strong>Continue? Or not?<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

"_Life's a bitch and then you die."_

That used to be his code. That way nothing could hurt him, nothing could surprise him. And that way when he died, it wouldn't matter because he had that numb feeling for his entire life. But then Michael and Carly happened, then Morgan happened, then Alexis and Kristina then Claudia, Brayden, and Aaron. His life was made up of weaknesses and his enemies knew that's what they were. The things in life he loved the most were going to be his downfall. If his best friend had not been the one to hit his son then he knew it would've been one of his enemies.

He looked over at Claudia. She was rocking herself gently, back and forth, grasping onto that blanket like a lifeline. The old Sonny, the one before he had met her would've been angry at her for not watching his son better. Not locking the door behind her. Hell she was still a mob princess and people would still want her dead. But he wasn't mad at her, he could never be mad at her. Like it was not physically possible. She gave him two biological sons and he would always love her for that.

"_Brayden was hit…by a car."_

Her own voice rang through her head as her son's lifeless body was caught in her line of vision. She honestly didn't even know if Sonny was still in the room. The image was the only thing she could see and it made her heart hurt. She just wanted her son to be out of surgery and to be okay. Was that really too much to ask for? She just wanted that little baby boy that she had given birth to, to be okay. But she cannot win, it's physically impossible. At least that's what she's starting to believe.

"You know I never wanted kids."

He's surprised that she's actually talking, and her tone is calm.

"Yeah, I know."

She stands up and faces him, looks him straight in the eyes.

"So why did you do this to me? Why did you let me think that it would be okay to have sex and nothing would come from it? Why didn't you divorce me the second you saved me from that bomb?"

She shoves him with her perfectly polished nails. Then she starts to beat on his chest. He just takes it. What else is he supposed to do? Starting to sob again. He pulls her close and holds her. He lets her cry for as long as she needs.

"You love our sons, I know you love them."

"Of course I love them, Sonny for God's sake! I carried them, almost lost them both and when they were born I was fine to never have to be in this hospital again. But here we are. Yet again."

She pushes off of him. She doesn't want him to comfort her. She wants him to scream at her and tell her how this is all her fault. She actually wonders why he hasn't done that yet. That's normally how he is; he lashes at her at every chance he gets. Why should this be any different?

"Why aren't you yelling at me? Why aren't you blaming me for this situation? Because it is all my fault, I should've been watching him better. I should've been able to keep an eye on both of our sons and I should've locked the door behind me. It's my fault. So why aren't you yelling at me?"

"Because I love you! Okay? I love you for giving me those boys and being such a good mother to them. I love you for that, okay?"

Before she can say anything, Steve Webber walks into the room. He's covered in blood, he son's blood. A three year old's blood. Her hand finds Sonny's off of instinct, and he squeezes it.

"How's Brayden- how's my son, our son?"

Claudia doesn't let herself shake and she doesn't let the good doctor see how afraid she is.

"Brayden made it through the surgery, but is not out of the danger zone. He's in the intensive care unit as we speak and you two can go see him."

Claudia doesn't wait for Sonny to respond, she just goes. Sonny stands there frozen in time. He thanks Steve and walks out to the waiting room where a crowd has grown including Michael and Kristina. But he can't handle them right now; he's going to talk to Brenda and Jason and then go see his little boy.

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><p>"Sonny, is he okay? Will he be okay?"<p>

She stands and grabs her husband by the arm. Jason stands as well and his two kids move closer to hear if their little brother is okay.

"He's in intensive care, they're still not sure if he's going to make it. I have to go see him now, Claudia is already with him."

He starts to leave but then he remembers about his other son. Poor little Aaron was sitting in the daycare center, probably alone and maybe worried sick. He turns to Michael who loves that little boy a lot and Aaron sees Michael as his hero.

"Go see your brother, please. He's in the daycare center. Comfort him, bring him up here and sit with him."

Michael nods, and leaves with Kristina following closely behind him. Brenda tries to follow Sonny but once again Jason grabs her arm and places her back in her chair. She does this girly little shriek. He knows it's out of anger, but at least she hasn't hurt him yet, which he knows she capable of.

"Jason why were you driving so fast? I mean enough to not see Brayden in enough time to swerve?"

"I was trying to get home. I was late. I was going to cook her dinner, Spinelli was even going to be out tonight. I was going to propose to her and now I won't be able to ever."

"Why won't you ever be able to?"

Brenda is curious. Yes tonight is not the best night to ask his girl friend to marry him, but any other night would completely work for them.

"Because any time I try to ask her again, I'll just remember tonight and how everything was so perfect until I hit my god son with the front of my car. His blood is still on it, on my car. I love that little boy like he was my own. Like he was Jake, but I know Brayden. I may even love him more than my own son."

Brenda throws her arm around the hit man, seeing his tears well. She presses a single kiss on his cheek before speaking.

"It'll be okay, Jase. You heard Sonny, he made it out of surgery. He'll be okay."

"But didn't you hear he wasn't out of the woods yet? He's so little, he's only three and I can't deal with losing him."

They hear footsteps behind them and Jason turns to see Sam out of the corner of his eye.

"Jason! Is he okay?"

Jason hurts even more as he looks into the eyes of his lover, he sees the kind of pain he saw in her eyes when Lila died. He swore to himself that he would never let that much pain ever touch her.

"He made it out of surgery but they don't know…"

She wraps him in a hug and holds him tight.

"It's all going to be okay."

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><p>When Sonny gets to his son's room, Claudia has made herself cocoon-like; she has wrapped herself completely around the small boy. He doesn't want to go in and interrupt but he has to. He has to see his boy, has to hold his hand and hopefully give him more strength than he already has.<p>

The second he opens the door, he hears her small and quiet sobs that he's heard so many times. The night her father tied her to that bomb as those years ago, the night they lost their first son, the night she found out she was pregnant with Brayden, and the night she almost lost their second child. She was so damaged yet she was there for their sons, she was such a good mother. He clears his throat to alert her that he's in the room. Her eyes meet his.

"How's he doing?"

"Okay...I guess. How is he supposed to be doing? I just want to take it all back."

He takes seat next to the bed, with one hand holding Brayden's hand and the other holding Claudia's. Somehow he hopes they both take strength in it. He watches as her tear filled eyes close and she kisses the back of his head. They sit like this for a long time, the once family reuniting again.

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><p>When Michael and Kristina make it to the daycare center, Aaron was sitting in the corner of the room, being anti-social as normal. But this time, Michael noticed the confusion in his much younger brother's eyes.<p>

"Hey bud."

Aaron's head shot up as he ran into his brother's arms. Michael felt like he would break as the little boy broke down in his arms. No one thought the two year old understood anything but Michael knew he did.

"Bray…?"

Kristina ruffled his hair as he asked for his best friend and brother. She tried to hide th frown from her face the best she could.

"No sweetie. Bray-Bray needs to rest before you can see him. Do you wanna go see Jason and Sam and Brenda?"

He violently shook his head.

"No Brenwa! No Brenwa!"

Michael patted his little brother's back.

"Okay, no Brenda. Gotcha boss man."

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><p><em>There are two kinds of weakness, that which breaks and that which bends. <em>

She watched as Sonny watched her and their son. This weakness, her children, broke her every single time something happened to them. She had worked so hard to bring Brayden into the world. She had been sick and dehydrated. She hadn't been able to eat without losing it. She had fought for him and she would never stop.

From the moment she had learned she was pregnant, everything was centered around him and then him and his brother. When her marriage collapsed, the only reason she was upset was because her sons' family was going to be no more. Her and Sonny still had an undeniable connection and it showed through their boys.

"Do you remember the moment we realized we were pregnant? I think I had been sick for what? A month? I didn't want to believe it and you forced me to take a test. I couldn't believe that I would actually be blessed by another baby and yet here he is."

He squeezes her hand and smiles at her.

"I remember it. I practically had to force you to pee on that damn stick, same with Aaron. I remember how scared you were that you were going to lose them too. But they're here and they aren't going anywhere. I promise you that, okay? They'll both be fine."

She held back her tears because she felt all cried out and she could not do it any more.

"How do you know that? The doctors, they said-"

"After Michael, I learned that doctor's don't near as much as they think they do. They said he'd never wake up, ever. But he's in the waiting room playing with Aaron and talking to Kristina and he's fine. Just like Brayden will be."

She in a chair next to the bed and next to Sonny, but she's practically in Sonny's lap because he's comforting to her. They're just looking at their son when something weird jumps on the monitor.

They look at the monitor and then back at their son. His eyes are glossy but they're open.

"Momma?"


End file.
